Lesson # 21:

Lesson #21: Nurture Your Passion

I have jugglers in my brain. Juggling multiple batons and adding more constantly, and then more jugglers keep coming to see if they can juggle amongst the hundreds already there and for some reason the Circus Master (that would be me) keeps allowing this to happen.

"Sure! We could ALWAYS use more!!" says I, whilst nervously trying to maintain the jugglers already in progress. Batons keep falling and rolling on the ground and I narrowly escape tripping over several, as I run around scrambling up juggling apparati, meanwhile keeping an air of grace and dignity. And a smile. And jugglers keep chasing after rolling batons as new jugglers come to join the party all excited and fresh and ambitious, showing off their new craze...fire juggling! And at a certain point I think: This can't go on forever.

This is an analogy of how my brain feels. Pretty darn crazy.

I wish I had a picture to inset here of a view of my brain and all its craziness.

Wait...I do...

My Brain. On Jugglers. Note the multiple bottles of wine in the background...a necessity.

Here's a breakdown of that analogy:

The jugglers are the many thoughts that enter my head and decide to set up camp there for a while. For example, I've recently been entertaining the idea of a summer job, one that would also nurture a passion of mine, and that is photography. So, I would like to try my hand at this hobby professionally...now enters the juggler. He has a baton for each class I should be taking, another for each equipment I need to purchase to be "professional", another for books I need to read, another for contacts I need to make, another for time I need to set aside, another for money I need to save to get this going, another for artistic inspiration...and so on and so on. You probably get my drift. That's just one juggler. Some people have a couple of these going on simultaneously. Or maybe more. I don't know. All I know is that I have too many of these. Too. Many.

I literally have spent hours working towards goals such as:
1.Becoming a better photographer (ok, that one is not a silly one),
2.becoming a professional public speaker of some sorts (I was inspired last summer by my ability to give a speech at a wedding and not feel nervous. I think know it was the shots beforehand. But still, I thought of myself for the next few weeks as the next great motivational orator of America),
3.becoming a writer,
4.becoming a songwriter,
5.becoming a mosaic artist,
6.becoming a YouTube sensation: "Girl Playing Ukelele AWESOME!",
7.becoming a professional Ukelele player,
8.becoming a DJ (I'm dead serious about this...I think I can make great mixes. I always get down to my mixes. Plus, I've done some hard core Dj sessions in Best Buy sampling their equipment. I think I've got this one.)
9. opening up my own private school that is Spanish Immersion Montessori based.
10. Traveling the world and writing a blog about it. And directing a vlog about it. And sending vlog to a network and then having them pick it up to start a tv show.
11. Traveling the world to teach English.
12. Traveling the world on photo expeditions.
13. Running a marathon.
14. Joining a dance troupe (for 30-somethings...)
15. Opening up a dance studio
16. Teaching yoga
17. Getting my Phd and becoming a professor of early childhood education

This is not a list of pipe dreams folks. I truly have spent time on each of these goals (jugglers) and I keep adding more for some reason. Oh yeah, and I already have a profession. That of being a Teacher. And that takes up the most time of all.

So...what's a girl to do with all these thoughts running around?

I guess one remedy would be to write them all out. I mean, amongst all these lofty life goals I have, I also have deep, emotive thoughts trudging through it all simultaneously (these are the Circus Elephants). And each ti

Lesson #17:

Lesson #17: Gain a New Perspective

Yesterday I got contacts. As I went through the various eye tests at the doctor’s office, it suddenly became shocking to me that I had even been getting around previously without them! The world was suddenly crispy and focused. Clarity...ahhhh! How refreshing.

That was before the breakdown. I didn’t realize taking my contacts out would turn into such an ordeal! After many unsuccessful attempts I told my eye doctor that I was afraid I was going to push my contact around to the backside of my eye ball and get it stuck there. To which she laughed and told me that it was impossible to do that.

Well...I kind of did. Sort of.

While attempting to remove the contact while at the office, I managed to roll it up into a little contacty taco and then slide it up on top of my eye ball back in the eye socket. It hurt really bad! So I inevitably began freaking out. The doctor had to get me some numbing drops and some colored liquid stuff and then, using her microscope, she went in to get that sucker. Crisis averted. Tears...not so much.

I tried again and again and again to put on then take off those freaking contacts. The taking off being the only part that was AWFUL for me (because of the whole irrational fear of it rolling back into my brain via my eye socket).

Finally I kind of caught on and I was invited to wear them home then come back in a week for a check up. So I’ve been putting them on and off (as instructed to do) and experimenting with how it makes me feel. In this discovery process, I’ve noticed that things were so hazy before. When I take my contacts off, things that are far away are just so blurry. Now, with this new, fresh, clear perspective...I almost don’t know what to think. It sounds weird, but, it kind of hurts to have this much clarity. My head is having a hard time adjusting itself to seeing so well.

I can relate to this feeling. Knowing things in all their essence, seeing the truth through the crispness and brightness of utter clarity...that stuff is intense. And sometimes painful.  But it’s important to not be content in the haziness. Life is about seeing clearly, and acting purely, and being in the light.

“Mystification is simple; clarity is the hardest thing of all.” - Julian Barnes, Flaubert's Parrot

Lesson #9

Lesson #9 : Actions Speak Louder Than Words

This one might be a quick blog post, but one I feel like sharing. I was recently with a group who were discussing how hard it is to talk about politics or current events with people of opposing political parties.

I agree.

It's sometimes maddening, and I know for a fact it goes both ways. So what do we do about it? You know you can't change someone's mind by simply repeating over and over what it is you think is wrong about their system or how yours is clearly smarter or better or more just or more fair. It just turns it into an argument and then the defensive walls get put up and productive discussion ends at that point.

My suggestion, speak with your actions not just your words. Sure, words are necessary in debating a point, but actions also go a long way to making yourself feel better about your positions on issues and justifying, ever so quietly, your point. (And I'm hoping your position on issues is one that is towards bettering some aspect of this world...I would hate for this same suggestion to be taken and used to promote disenfranchisement, intolerance, violence or manipulation...just sayin...)

For example, if you feel very strongly about advocating for women's rights and you are tired of politicians and their constituents promoting policy that you feel violates these rights, then take this approach.

First, do your research. Find out exactly what you don't agree with and why. There's nothing worse than claiming you are against something when you don't really have a grasp of the issue in its entirety.

Second, find out if there are organizations out there that support your side of the cause. Join them, donate to them, participate with them, promote them. Make sure you always know the ins and outs of their policies as well and be sure that it aligns with your values.

Third, go out on your own and make a difference towards what you believe in. Promote an advocacy group for women in pursuit of further education, create a group that helps working women out, create an organization that introduces girls to the world of science and math to encourage more females in jobs that require those skill sets, create a meeting that talks about ways to speak up about women's health rights, attend and promote meetings discussing rights to fair pay and equitable wages, start a group that encourages and supports women entrepreneurs, visit women owned business, start a magazine that discusses, promotes and focuses on things women are doing in your community... this list could go on and on, but you get the point.

You'll never be able to change some people's minds, but instead of letting all that frustration sit deeply rooted inside of you, and spending so much energy trying to talk someone over to your side, instead use that energy towards bettering your side of the cause.

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” - Martin Luther King, Jr

Lesson #3

Lesson #3: Change is Inevitable. Embrace It. 

In 5 days, I will no longer be a resident of Pittsburgh. 

If you would have asked me a little more than a year ago how I felt about the above statement, I would have said, "I'm happy." 

Today, I feel very melancholic. 

My husband (then fiancé) moved to Pittsburgh 2 years ago for his job. We had been living in Houston, Texas where I was a teacher and he was working in the oil and gas industry. I was not happy about this move, but did so because I was following a life lesson learned previously (Just do it) and didn't want to have to learn that lesson again. I gave up my job teaching and was determined to just enjoy this new experience. It did not turn out that easy. 

Turns out, Pittsburgh, PA is one of the hardest places in America to find a teaching job. I was so sad after spending months and months getting re-certified, applying for jobs, trying to make any kind of connections possible, only to discover that nothing would become of my efforts. So, I looked to other things to occupy my time and provide me with an income. I eventually landed a job managing an office at an Oil and Gas company and decided I would feed my creative spirit with other things, mainly a multitude of art classes and various physical activities. It wasn't all bad, but I felt sad having given up on my calling (teaching) and also bored in a job that required many hours behind a desk. Not to mention having no interest in the oil and gas field. 

My mood was also down and out initially because we had left all of our friends and family and came up here knowing no one. It was hard to make friends at first. But, as time went on, we began to discover some really fantastic places in this city and, upon moving into a cute little house down the street, we met a slew of awesome new neighbors that quickly became close friends. Eventually we started having a blast and by the time we made the difficult decision to move back to Texas (for his job and mine) we felt like we were true 'Yinzers' (as they like to call the natives 'round these parts). 

I try to tell people about Pittsburgh and they are surprised that I like it so much. At the beginning, I lamented forever about missing the sun, my friends and family and my job. But as I grew into this city, I began to discover some hidden gems. It's amazing to me that this place hasn't blown up on the map of cool. I'm sure it will eventually and we won't be living here at that point...which will make me so pissed. But...change IS inevitable. 

Our Time In Pittsburgh

It really has been amazing. Even looking through pictures trying to decide what should go in a collage is too difficult because it brings back so many good times, good friends, good FOOD and good memories. 

But, the lesson I am learning throughout all of this is that, whether for good or for bad, change really is inevitable. You cannot remain stagnant. You have to keep swimming through the tide. 

I've had a multitude of changes throughout my short 31 years. I'm sure there are some with even more dramatic stories of change. I love hearing how people overcome the reaction to cry out, to appease someone somewhere to prevent this change from happening. I know I am one of those people. I feel it in my gut when it happens, when I know, life as it is right this minute will never be the same. We will never go back to this, right here right now. 

But, as I've also learned and continue to learn, with every change comes new and exciting possibility. New people, places, and the chance to learn and grow. I love learning and believe that we should all be on a quest of continual growth - personally, spiritually, intellectually and physically. 

Perhaps that's why I was born to teach. 

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.” 

― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Indeed, friends, lovers, family...at one point or another it is inevitable. Everyone leaves, whether a parting in life or by death. Everything changes. But to embrace it...that is to embrace what life is truly about and to saddle up for the journey, rather than wallowing in the wish for it to remain the same. Those who truly shine in this life have ridden the currents instead of fighting the flow. And their lives, and ours, can be be made continually better by doing so.