Lesson #19:

Lesson #19: Exhaustion Doth Not Beget Creativity Nor Productivity

So...I'm returning to teaching. I am excited to be back in the classroom but there is one little thing I forgot about...

The beginning of school is EXHAUSTING!!!

There are a lot of reasons why it is exhausting. I may happen to be a little more exhausted than most this time around.

Here's why...

Setting up a classroom is PHYSICALLY exhausting. There are tables to be moved, cabinets to set up, things to hang from the ceiling, boxes to unload from your car, boxes to reload back to your car. It would be wonderful to have some assistance that first week moving in.

Then there is the mental exhaustion, which I think is draining me more than anything.

I am returning to school after be gone for two years. Not only gone from teaching but gone from this town and state and school. Everyday I've been up at school to do stuff in my classroom, I've found myself seeing someone I haven't seen for two years so I have to play catch up. Then I go back into my classroom and stare at all that has to be done. Then I leave and walk around and talk to some people. Then I come back and fix the border that I had already put up because I didn't like it. Then I leave. Then I stare.

I also have never taught this grade level and I have never been departmentalized (meaning I only teach Math and Science and my classrooms rotate). I don't really know what to set up so my time in the classroom has been slightly unproductive. There are also rules about where things have to go, what things can be seen or not seen, to the left or right of the dry erase board, what tools can be used and which can not (tape is OUT!).

I have so many ideas when I sit at home and think about them but when I get to school I look around and just want to hide all my things in the cabinets and come back another day when I feel more inspired.

EXHAUSTED!

Another reason I am exhausted is my commute.

So, I went back to teach at the school I had been at before because I really loved all the people. They are really friendly and it gives me a sense of camaraderie. Plus I started teaching at this school so it is familiar.

BUT it is a looong way from the neighborhood my husband and I live in. We also like where we live and don't want to move near this school. The commute on a good day is now 45 minutes but in traffic it is close to an hour. And it's not a pretty commute. It is a slam on your breaks, or haul A#$, or close your eyes and cross your fingers you don't die because you have to cross 7 lanes of highway traffic to get to your exit and that's just how it is in Houston, Texas because when the speed limit says 65 it means go 85 and that'll keep you moving with the flow of traffic. Seriously. I got so used to those Pittsburgher drivers who are so slow that now I'm totally out of my element. So by the time I get up to the school I am already frazzled, my nerves are SHOT and I'm ready to go home. So yeah, that part has been exhausting too.

And finally, I am exhausted because I am, by nature, an introvert. That doesn't mean I don't like people, or I am shy, or that I get embarrassed easily (talk to my husband about that...he wishes I got embarrassed more easily). It mostly means that too much social overload can wear me out and I need space and time to rest myself alone to get my energy back. Some people don't understand what being an introvert truly means and I remember growing up falsely claiming that I was NOT one because, for some reason, in our country it is given a bad rap. Like, "Ew, you're an introvert. I'm sorry." It really just gives way to greater introspection and a different way of achieving productivity (I prefer to do work alone then share it with others and collaborate that way rather than all talking and working simultaneously as a group).

But this is a whole other blog topic....the main point here is that I am talking all day long with people and, though I love them all, at the end of the day, with my mind in a million places and physically BEAT from moving and rearranging and decorating and organizing and laminating and copying and writing and hooking up computers and...and...and...well I'm just so tired. And then I have to make my looooong commute back home. Wah wah wah.

(Cue the tiny violin)

All of this is to say that I. AM. TIRED!!!

And all the ideas I have are completely useless when you are so freaking tired.

So what can you do to overcome this???

Today I am taking a day off. I am trying not to plan anything. I'm just resting my mind and hoping that I can really crank it out next week.

Another thing I can do is take one day at a time. Think about getting things ready for Meet the Teacher. Then after that get ready for the First Day. Then start thinking about the following weeks. I know that's not what you want to be doing ideally (ideally you should not be planning day by day and trying to keep your head above water that way...ideally you should be one step ahead, ready and prepared). But that's really just how it's going to be until I get my feet wet again.

One step at a time.

by Iain Macarthur

 "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Lesson #12:

Lesson #12: Don't Be Afraid of Not Knowing

I recently found out that I am going back to teaching at my old school (yay!) but I've been told that I will most likely have to teach a different grade and within that different grade I will be teaching Math/Science (I'm kind of, sort of a more language arts/social studies leaning personality).

When I first found out I will probably not be teaching Kindergarten, but instead teaching 2nd grade Bilingual, I was sad. You see, I LOVED teaching Kindergarten! I loved being their first teacher, I loved seeing them grow so much in one year, and I loved that I got them all to myself that year (no switching classes for different subjects). I also have about 10 huge storage boxes full of Kindergarten teaching supplies (property of yours truly) which I will not be able to take with me to my new grade level.

But...that wasn't what was making me the most sad. The thing that was getting to me the most was that I felt a teeny weeny bit of fear creep up over me.

Fear of the unknown.

I have taught Kindergarten and felt like I really learned how to teach for that grade level. I felt confident at that grade level. I had ideas swirling around in my head for things I would do differently this upcoming year, ways I could teach something in a new way, tons of creative projects...all focused on the Kindergarten curriculum. I was actually becoming very excited about it! Now that I will most likely be teaching maths and sciences at the 2nd grade level...GULP...I feel out of my element. And I don't like that feeling.

So...what to do? Take that feeling and use it as a lesson : How to move on when you are fearful. Putting on your big girl pants. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

There's a book about that that I should probably pick up right away and read.

by Susan Jeffers

The point is, every path in life is leading to the unknown. In fact, sometimes living life without introducing scenarios that place you in unfamiliar territory leads to boredom and monotony. And if there's anything I hate more than fear, it's boredom. If given the choice between the two, I think I'd have to go with fear. Fear makes you feel alive, it lets you know you're in the game, and it gives you sort of a rush. Sure, it can also lead to stress and fatigue, but that's where you have to remember the mantra of "Just Do It" and another mantra that can be just as useful : "Roll with the Punches".

So, I'm rethinking my lot in this teaching life of mine. I'm going to start digging into my new role and making the best of it. I won't try to be Super Teacher this year, but I will try to be the best teacher I can.  I will work just like I worked my first year of teaching - keeping my head above water and focusing on being present. By the end of next year I might find that I loved this new grade level so much, I won't want to go back. Who knows? Obstacles are placed in our lives to make us better people, with more perspective, more wisdom and more knowledge. Doing the same thing over and over only makes us dull. 

As Ms. Jeffers says, "Feel the fear and Do It Anyway". Message received.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” - Paolo Coelho, The Alchemist