Lesson #3

Lesson #3: Change is Inevitable. Embrace It. 

In 5 days, I will no longer be a resident of Pittsburgh. 

If you would have asked me a little more than a year ago how I felt about the above statement, I would have said, "I'm happy." 

Today, I feel very melancholic. 

My husband (then fiancé) moved to Pittsburgh 2 years ago for his job. We had been living in Houston, Texas where I was a teacher and he was working in the oil and gas industry. I was not happy about this move, but did so because I was following a life lesson learned previously (Just do it) and didn't want to have to learn that lesson again. I gave up my job teaching and was determined to just enjoy this new experience. It did not turn out that easy. 

Turns out, Pittsburgh, PA is one of the hardest places in America to find a teaching job. I was so sad after spending months and months getting re-certified, applying for jobs, trying to make any kind of connections possible, only to discover that nothing would become of my efforts. So, I looked to other things to occupy my time and provide me with an income. I eventually landed a job managing an office at an Oil and Gas company and decided I would feed my creative spirit with other things, mainly a multitude of art classes and various physical activities. It wasn't all bad, but I felt sad having given up on my calling (teaching) and also bored in a job that required many hours behind a desk. Not to mention having no interest in the oil and gas field. 

My mood was also down and out initially because we had left all of our friends and family and came up here knowing no one. It was hard to make friends at first. But, as time went on, we began to discover some really fantastic places in this city and, upon moving into a cute little house down the street, we met a slew of awesome new neighbors that quickly became close friends. Eventually we started having a blast and by the time we made the difficult decision to move back to Texas (for his job and mine) we felt like we were true 'Yinzers' (as they like to call the natives 'round these parts). 

I try to tell people about Pittsburgh and they are surprised that I like it so much. At the beginning, I lamented forever about missing the sun, my friends and family and my job. But as I grew into this city, I began to discover some hidden gems. It's amazing to me that this place hasn't blown up on the map of cool. I'm sure it will eventually and we won't be living here at that point...which will make me so pissed. But...change IS inevitable. 

Our Time In Pittsburgh

It really has been amazing. Even looking through pictures trying to decide what should go in a collage is too difficult because it brings back so many good times, good friends, good FOOD and good memories. 

But, the lesson I am learning throughout all of this is that, whether for good or for bad, change really is inevitable. You cannot remain stagnant. You have to keep swimming through the tide. 

I've had a multitude of changes throughout my short 31 years. I'm sure there are some with even more dramatic stories of change. I love hearing how people overcome the reaction to cry out, to appease someone somewhere to prevent this change from happening. I know I am one of those people. I feel it in my gut when it happens, when I know, life as it is right this minute will never be the same. We will never go back to this, right here right now. 

But, as I've also learned and continue to learn, with every change comes new and exciting possibility. New people, places, and the chance to learn and grow. I love learning and believe that we should all be on a quest of continual growth - personally, spiritually, intellectually and physically. 

Perhaps that's why I was born to teach. 

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.” 

― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Indeed, friends, lovers, family...at one point or another it is inevitable. Everyone leaves, whether a parting in life or by death. Everything changes. But to embrace it...that is to embrace what life is truly about and to saddle up for the journey, rather than wallowing in the wish for it to remain the same. Those who truly shine in this life have ridden the currents instead of fighting the flow. And their lives, and ours, can be be made continually better by doing so. 

Lesson #2

Lesson #2 Accept It and Move On

There once was a ship that was built to be the strongest, fastest, most incredible ship that man had ever known. It was "unsinkable". With this in mind, few thought to take precautions with a ship so boldly labeled "unsinkable" and so caution was through to the wind. Even though icebergs were spotted throughout, the "unsinkable" ship could never succumb to something so banal as an iceberg. Not on her maiden voyage. Inconceivable. 

Well, we all know what happened here, in my not-so-vague reference to the Titanic. It was a  colossal disaster. Ending in sorrow and tragedy. It sunk and many lives, dreams and hopes sunk with it. 

I have a story about a ship that sunk. It's a story that makes up a part of my life, and makes up a part of who I am. It's a sad story about love lost, but also a story about love gained. 

I know this blog is an outlet for me to tell these stories, but some details are best kept private. To make a detailed and complicated story more palatable and one I am willing to divulge, I'll tell it in its briefest form. 

I had a relationship that was very dear to me. It ended somewhat unexpectedly, with a lot of confusion and an unwanted distancing that eventually led to its demise. A change of mind about a move was the main culprit. Immediately after this breakup I felt a wave of emotions: I was lost, bitter, angry, ashamed, remorseful and depressed. While I was dealing with this loss, and the range of feelings that it caused, I suddenly found myself entering a new partnership with someone else who was also becoming very important and close to me. This person was lifting me up out of the darkness and sadness I was feeling as a result of the ending of my other relationship and he was offering me happiness and joy and comfort and friendship. He was becoming a rock for me to cling to. It was a confusing time for me. The moment I started feeling happy and excited in this new relationship, I was also struck by an overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling happy again when I should still be in mourning. This mix of different signals created a firestorm in my head and my heart. 

I felt lost, confused and bitter all over again. I was bitter towards many people including my newest partner. I retreated from other friends and was for the most part very absent. Even my work suffered. I had one fellow teacher write me a letter asking me why everything seemed so stressful to me? Why was I hiding out in my classroom eating lunch by myself? I couldn't explain to anyone what I was going through. The overwhelming feelings of loss, grief, regret coupled by feelings of self-loathing and guilt. It was almost too much, and I might have drowned in my own sorrow had I not accepted the good in this new relationship and clung to it for air. It helped me out eventually, but not without a few scars along the way. 

Eventually, to truly start healing, I could not continue to look back at what I did or did not do. I know I talk about regretting the things I did not do in the past (and that shall give me the power to Just Do It in the future) but I have also learned that in order to move on we can't keep looking in the rear view mirror. We just can't! That's no way to steer your life. So, for me to move forward, I had to say to myself, "You made a mistake. You hurt someone unintentionally and you may have regrets about not being bold enough to move. You could've taken one path, but you chose another. Either way, you are on that other path now and you can't get back to that fork in the road from the past. You have to anticipate the next fork in the road and remember the lessons you've learned from this one. You have to accept what is done and MOVE ON. If you stay stagnate, you will drown. 

“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

Lesson #1

Life is a journey. I'm sure you've heard that. Life is an adventure. Life is cyclical. Life is a quest for answers. In the end, do we ever find them? Or are we just left with more questions?

I started this blog as a way to express the things I've learned and what I'm learning. This is appropriate because I am also a teacher and teaching and learning are essential to who I am.

My goal is to write a lesson a day, so (in theory) I should have 365 lessons a year from now. I'm pretty sure I'd like to incorporate lessons that I teach my little ones (in school) as well as lessons that I'm happy to share with the rest of the world. Who knows? Maybe someone reading is having the exact same thing happening to them and is looking for some kind of answer. I know I often search for answers when it comes to matters of the heart and I find that reading, whether through a blog or a book or a magazine or newspaper article, always provides me with some sort of insight. I always walk away having been introduced to something new, or gaining a new perspective. Or sometimes, like with fiction books, I get to read about how something plays out, how a character deals with an issue, and imagine myself in that same scenario. Only, in fiction, you get to read to find out how it ends. In your own life, there is no scripture to guide you. You have to make those stories on your own. My hope is that perhaps through some of my own trials and tribulations in life I can write about how it went for me and what I learned and someone can take that and apply it to their own life.

Or not. It could just be an interesting read.

Or not. Perhaps no one will ever read my blog.

I'm okay with that. It has happened before.

So here it goes, folks.

Lesson #1: Just Do It

Very cliche, I know. But it didn't become the Nike slogan for nothin! I'm certainly one who has had to learn this lesson the hard way. Without getting into too much details just yet (hey, we just met each other!) I've had some regrets in life about decisions I've made in the past and most (okay, ALL) of those regrets stems from not having done something. Not being bold enough to do something that scared me. Not having the guts to say what I feel. Not taking that leap of faith.

I have absolutely NO regrets about things I went ahead and did, whether or not they were a success. Life is funny like that.

“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "It might have been.” 

- Kurt Vonnegut

So, just as I preach I must practice. This blog is something I always thought to myself I should do but never sat down to write, for fear of not saying the right thing or not having something interesting enough to write about. But, I have plenty of really good stories that have provided me with a lot of insight in my 31 years and I think to myself, I would want to read about some of these stories! So, I sit down today and I start this blog. 

Done. Just Did It. 

In keeping with this spirit, I have tackled some things that I normally wouldn't do. Things that may scare me, or I just put off. Well, the time for putting things off is over. I was determined to DO 5 new things this week. Here are the things I have done in keeping with my Lesson #1: Just Do It. 

1. I have been learning to play the ukelele. I have failed many times at learning musical instruments because I suffer from a perfectionist attitude. This time I thought, what have I got to lose? Absolutely zilch. So, I have two songs down and if I keep it up by the end of the year I should have enough for a solo coffee shop performance! 

   

   Guitar and Ukelele (or, as I like to call them, Papa Guitar and Baby Guitar)

   
   
2. I have continued knitting. I learned how a long time ago but forgot. With my recent surge of just do it attitude I took it back up (with some help from the friendly folks at this knitting place) and have been plugging along. It looks to me like a blanket for a mouse rather than something wearable for a human, but if I keep up my can-do-ness it should turn into something formidable in the near future. So, I'm doin it. 
3. I have bought tickets to attend my friend's wedding in Italy. I kept putting it off for fear of not having the funds, but my husband and I saved up for a few months and then, when our tax return came back, I thought...just. do. it. So now, we are officially going on a 10 day trip to Italia! 
4. I took a new exercise class (Pure Barre). I know that's not such a big deal, but it was stepping out of comfort slightly because it was something I had never done before. And I made a pact with myself to attend every day of my 2 week unlimited pass. I only missed a couple days because I was so freaking sore I physically couldn't put myself through it. But I did it. You're welcome, tight new booty. 
5. I have been decorating our house with fresh flowers. Spring has not sprung up here in Pittsburgh, PA but I thought about bringing a little spring into our abode. Normally I would say this is a waste because flowers just go and die anyway. But the color and freshness and beauty of them really do wonders in brightening the mood of the place, and, in turn, my own mood. 

 

I may try upping the ante on my trying-new-things and just-doing-it list (10 things next week?). But I had to prove it to myself that, as a lesson learned, I need to be following it. Who knows what thing I just might do to lead me onto something great? 

So, when you consider things that you want to do or try and then push it off or save till later or claim that it isn't for you...remember that the things you leave undone or unsaid will lead you to feel the deepest regrets later on in life. Trust me. 

Jump. Leap. Fly. Do.