Lesson #2

Lesson #2 Accept It and Move On

There once was a ship that was built to be the strongest, fastest, most incredible ship that man had ever known. It was "unsinkable". With this in mind, few thought to take precautions with a ship so boldly labeled "unsinkable" and so caution was through to the wind. Even though icebergs were spotted throughout, the "unsinkable" ship could never succumb to something so banal as an iceberg. Not on her maiden voyage. Inconceivable. 

Well, we all know what happened here, in my not-so-vague reference to the Titanic. It was a  colossal disaster. Ending in sorrow and tragedy. It sunk and many lives, dreams and hopes sunk with it. 

I have a story about a ship that sunk. It's a story that makes up a part of my life, and makes up a part of who I am. It's a sad story about love lost, but also a story about love gained. 

I know this blog is an outlet for me to tell these stories, but some details are best kept private. To make a detailed and complicated story more palatable and one I am willing to divulge, I'll tell it in its briefest form. 

I had a relationship that was very dear to me. It ended somewhat unexpectedly, with a lot of confusion and an unwanted distancing that eventually led to its demise. A change of mind about a move was the main culprit. Immediately after this breakup I felt a wave of emotions: I was lost, bitter, angry, ashamed, remorseful and depressed. While I was dealing with this loss, and the range of feelings that it caused, I suddenly found myself entering a new partnership with someone else who was also becoming very important and close to me. This person was lifting me up out of the darkness and sadness I was feeling as a result of the ending of my other relationship and he was offering me happiness and joy and comfort and friendship. He was becoming a rock for me to cling to. It was a confusing time for me. The moment I started feeling happy and excited in this new relationship, I was also struck by an overwhelming sense of guilt for feeling happy again when I should still be in mourning. This mix of different signals created a firestorm in my head and my heart. 

I felt lost, confused and bitter all over again. I was bitter towards many people including my newest partner. I retreated from other friends and was for the most part very absent. Even my work suffered. I had one fellow teacher write me a letter asking me why everything seemed so stressful to me? Why was I hiding out in my classroom eating lunch by myself? I couldn't explain to anyone what I was going through. The overwhelming feelings of loss, grief, regret coupled by feelings of self-loathing and guilt. It was almost too much, and I might have drowned in my own sorrow had I not accepted the good in this new relationship and clung to it for air. It helped me out eventually, but not without a few scars along the way. 

Eventually, to truly start healing, I could not continue to look back at what I did or did not do. I know I talk about regretting the things I did not do in the past (and that shall give me the power to Just Do It in the future) but I have also learned that in order to move on we can't keep looking in the rear view mirror. We just can't! That's no way to steer your life. So, for me to move forward, I had to say to myself, "You made a mistake. You hurt someone unintentionally and you may have regrets about not being bold enough to move. You could've taken one path, but you chose another. Either way, you are on that other path now and you can't get back to that fork in the road from the past. You have to anticipate the next fork in the road and remember the lessons you've learned from this one. You have to accept what is done and MOVE ON. If you stay stagnate, you will drown. 

“We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.” 

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free