Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Lesson #11:

Lesson # 11: Make an Effort to Remember a Face



This lesson is here because I was reminded of its importance today. In a not-so-smooth kinda way. That's me, though, the antithesis of "smooth. Rough, awkward, inappropriate, eclectic...now that sounds more like it. 

Anyhoo...

I was in Whole Foods picking up some Kombucha and a lip gloss (because I am addicted to their all-natural mineral makeups and this specific type of lip gloss, with its tingliness and shininess is my FAVORITE), and whilst checking out I hear, "Andrea!"

It's always weird when you hear your name in a place where you are not expecting to see someone you know. It always throws me off. 

I turn around and see this guy smiling as he walks towards me. He starts asking how I am and some other questions and I just couldn't fake it. I could not tell who that was or how I knew them for the life of me. I didn't try to pretend, either. I just stood there staring, not answering any of his questions, with a confused look on my face. I desperately wanted him to just say who he was. He just kept on, though. It was AWKWARD. 

You see, I used to do the faking it game when this sort of thing happened. I would smile and continue on with the conversation as if I knew perfectly well who they were until I caught some clue that would finally reveal their identity. But now that I'm 31 I'm too tired to do that and I don't care as much about being embarrassed. It's a good thing, too, because I seem to embarrass myself more often as I age. 

Finally, the awkwardness was too much and he said, "It's me. Sam*." I was so relieved but then I also felt more embarrassment because this was an old friend of my husband's whom I had met several times. He had even been at our wedding just last year. I don't know what it was...I just couldn't make the connection with the face and the name and the place and the time and the who and the what...I just didn't know him from Adam. And now he knows that apparently my impression of him is forgettable. 

We continued on with an even more awkward conversation, with me trying to find ways to apologize for not recognizing him, making excuses as to why I couldn't recognize him (you shaved! you're not wearing your glasses! your hair looks different!) and just trying to get through the embarrassment without seeming like a total asshole. 

As I walked away, flustered and kicking myself for not remembering a face, it got me thinking. Why did these types of scenarios occur with me? It didn't happen all the time- I certainly have seen people that I recognized even if it has been a very long time and have been able to carry on with them with no awkwardness whatsoever. This friend of my husband's is also not the forgettable type. He's in a band, he's always been super cool every time we've hung out, I tried to get my friend to date him, and he is just a super funky dude. Why wouldn't I recognize him? Was it the fact that it seemed out of place to me to see him at Whole Foods? I didn't know he worked there so, maybe? 

Or, could it be that I suffer from prosopagnosia, a technical term for face blindness? Apparently Brad Pitt also suffers from this

More and more, though, it made me think about my own fault in not taking better care to remember a face. The fact that this has happened before to me makes me think that perhaps this is something I can improve. It seems to me to be disrespectful to keep forgetting people, as if my own life is so much bigger and grander and to operate within it takes up so much of my brain power that I can't squeeze in a little, tiny, extra space to store and recall someone's name and face. Surely that can't be it. 

I did some research on the topic. It seems there are many ways to try and remedy this. One is using mnemonics, associating someone's name with an attribute of their face that is distinct and memorable. 
Here is a You Tube clip that discusses ways to help remember a face using this method:




So, if using this method with my husband's friend Sam, I'd say Smiley Sam because he seems to have a big, wide smile and that's one thing I noticed.

I hope I run into him again and prove that I can remember him and I'm not totally self-centered and egocentric. It's important to remember people because it shows you valued meeting them.

Lesson learned.

“We seem to live in a world where forgetting and oblivion are an industry in themselves and very, very few people are remotely interested or aware of their own recent history, much less their neighbors'. I tend to think we are what we remember, what we know. The less we remember, the less we know about ourselves, the less we are."- Carlos Ruiz Zafon





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